Solitude vs. Loneliness
Either condition can exist in a relationship or on one’s own. The former seems more positive as some solitude is essential whereas loneliness afflicts us in a negative context.
Solitude allows us time to think often while we are busy with some mundane task; various repetitive, rote action jobs come to mind. We gain insight from the reflection solitude allows us even though others may see us as withdrawn or even hostile as mindless chatter is taken as attention in our society. Rather like a series of texts on what we are doing or thinking at the moment rather than an actual conversational exchange of pertinent information. Like living your life making FaceBook comments.
Loneliness is a lack of meaningful interaction resulting within self-pity compounded by the unattractiveness of being needy. It is hard to overcome loneliness unless we are willing to be pro-active in pursuit of goals helpful to others plus a willingness to work with others towards those goals. Loneliness is not an attractive state of being; conversely, it drives away those most likely to help us. If you are lonely, then do something about it. Engage in pursuits that involve working with other folks with whom you can share a growth in self-esteem.
The current fad of embracing going through life alone and consciously enjoying that experience as solitude seems selfish. Solitude can be enjoyed in or out of a relationship, loneliness seems closer to trying to enjoy being alone for the sake of being alone. Rather like saying we need no one but ourselves without considering we owe a debt to our society to make it a better place for us all to live.
We each have a responsibility to ourselves and to society to help make things better for us all and not just for ourself. The attitude that I am better off alone seems selfish. Loneliness is a luxury only the self-centered can indulge whereas solitude within limits helps the individual, the relationship and society not to mention children and friends. We used to call this"reading”. It often went with"thinking”. And we shared our mature thoughts with"friends”, including the one with whom we live, who did more than listen to us vent, friends discuss thoughts and even allow us to reach conclusions that can be put into actions to resolve issues too difficult to handle alone.
Couples and friends utilize solitude to form opinions to share. Lonely people are wallowing in a bed they have made for themselves and anyone they can coax in with them.
Listening to a friend’s vent without making comments is helpful but not if the venter simply wants to revel in their loneliness at your expense.
The very act of venting asks for constructive comment if the listener
cares about venter. Solitude strengthens us but loneliness is just lazy.
Did that sound didactic? Judgemental? Or, can you remember or envision an exchange of views that might elicit a constructive response and begin a conversation. Preferably over pastries and a hot beverage. Which, is why I am writing this missive, to encourage the enjoyment of solitude without condoning loneliness and at the same time justify a cup of hot tea and several English biscuits. Yum!