Breakfast

Why can’t cafes and restaurants fix bacon? Why do the serve bacon limp with uncooked fat? Why is it if you ask for crispy bacon they either microwave it dead or burn it and then claim you should have said crispy not crisp? Answer: they don’t want to take the time to fix bacon the way people like it.

I have taken to asking for stand-up bacon. But not burned or microwaved. Just done with the fat cooked so if I pick it up with two fingers the bacon stands up. This way they know what you want.

Asking for sausage is another problem as they use the cheapest most tasteless sausage patties available. Asking for spicy sausage links well done brings you bland whole hog links warmed but neither cooked nor browned as that would take too long to fix.

Similarly, hash-browns are served looking like shredded wheat with long-term COVID. Why can’t they use a bit of butter in the fry pan to brown both sides of hash-browned potatoes? Not burn them. Not leave them frozen in the middle. Just fixed right? Answer, it takes too long to fix correctly.

In conclusion, let me note the utter absence of an actual croissant from most menus. Not to mention the lack of almond or marzipan croissants. There are exceptions, but most breakfast places would not know a real croissant if it fell out of the sky onto their head. They might guess it was a boomerang, but a good croissant is hard to find.

So, why is bacon botched, hash-browns half done, and a croissant unknown? Because they take too long to fix properly in a kitchen designed to microwave frozen items to tasteless bits and globs. If the cook can’t fry food he should be dropped into a large cauldron of water to see if he can boil.